Modern self-care can take many forms. Most commonly self-care is taught to be pampering, indulging, or treating yourself. While this certainly has its place, the romanticizing of overspending or overeating in the name of health is not only an oxymoron but also incredibly destructive long term. Self-care is more effective through creating productive habits that bring you joy and peace and protect against burn out or stress. Brianna Wiest said it best when she stated, “True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choices to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.” In pregnancy and early motherhood, this is especially true. The choices that will most likely bring you the labor you dream of and the best transition into motherhood are not always fun. However, they are very necessary as this is the only time in your life where self-care is not only about you – when you are taking care of yourself you are also taking care of your child.
Self-care in pregnancy is vital and it could also be called prenatal care. This does not mean showing up to an appointment once a month to get your vital signs taken. Prenatal care is
everything that happens in between appointments – nutrition, exercise, and preparation for
labor both physically and mentally. The best self-care a pregnant woman can do is create a birth plan and intentionally go over all of her options and the risks and benefits of each. This not only gives peace of mind but allows her to be an active participant of her birth. She will not show up and have her child delivered for her, but instead will be in control as she births her baby. The intentionality of research and decision making prior to labor is empowering and reassuring for a
mother-to-be and allows her to fully surrender to the process of birth when the time comes.
Imagine trying to plan your wedding the day of. This would be incredibly stressful and most likely, things would not go the way you wanted them to. However, when you start planning your wedding months in advance and have everything arranged prior to your wedding day, you are able to just relax and enjoy the day. This form of self-care protects the mother’s rights and desires for her ideal birth.
Self-care for the laboring mother also tends to present itself as preparation. It is very important
to make sure that you have snacks that will keep you hydrated and energized for this race you
are running. It is also vital to consider who you want with you in your birthing space and what type of support and energy they will bring. This can be a tough conversation to have but if there is someone in your circle that makes you feel nervous or uncomfortable they should not be near you as you are laboring. Labor and birth is an intimate time where the mother must feel safe and supported. This one step can completely change the atmosphere of birth whether it be in the home or another facility. This continues into postpartum, as well. While it is necessary to have help in the postpartum period, too many visitors too soon can be very overwhelming.
The immediate weeks following birth can be some of the hardest but most important for bonding with baby and getting into the groove of nursing. Too many guests, no matter how well-intentioned, may be detrimental to this process. Consider the people around you that make you feel comfortable and would respect boundaries that are set. Also remember that you can
always loosen boundaries but it can be hard to create stricter ones. For example, if you don’t want anyone outside of you and your partner to hold the child for the first few weeks, stick to your instincts. If later you want to change your mind it would be easy. However, telling someone they cannot hold the child anymore after they already have can be problematic.
Labor, birth and postpartum is the time to think of yourself and your child’s needs first.
Self-care for the nursing mother is most commonly lactation support from an expert. Getting professional help, even if you have successfully breastfed before, can make all the difference in the world. Each baby is different with their mouth size and specific latch and breastfeeding is a
learned process with each child. Do not be discouraged if you are struggling. There are many steps that can be taken before giving up altogether. Nursing is meant to be a time of bonding,
not agony. I cannot stress enough how important it is to be supported in this time emotionally
and physically. In the early days of very frequent feedings, this may look like just having someone sit with you and answer any questions you may have or it may be someone doing the dishes for you so you can relax, recover and focus on nursing. The world often tells us that if we are not active or busy then we are lazy. While there is a time and place for productivity, this is not the goal in early postpartum. You are healing and you are building a relationship and you will never get those early days back with your child before they begin to grow. Establish healthy boundaries for yourself and your family and enjoy this time of getting to know this little human you have just created with no guilt or shame. Give yourself grace in the learning process and remember the incredible things that you have already accomplished in pregnancy and delivery!
Written by Madeline Judd